Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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