I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
