your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Come on in and take your pants off
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