I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
