he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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