If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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