Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize