it's not cheating when I paid for it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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