If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
