Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
