Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just high enough for therapy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
