There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
