Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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