ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
