while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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