the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
