Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
