Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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