dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
