our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
