Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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