Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
