when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
