I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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