walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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