This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
