I wish my penis had an off switch
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
