My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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