I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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