you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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