I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
