cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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