I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
did you just send me my own nude
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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