hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
false alarm. still invincible.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
