NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
