its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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