who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
