You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
nutella sex= disaster
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
