I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
