whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
