He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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