What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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