Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
