2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
