Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
