she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
