just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
