I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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