Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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