we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
