haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
