question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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