I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
