I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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