So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
