winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
