I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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