Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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