Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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