I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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