How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Randomize
