my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
