I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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