I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
