im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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