I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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