Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
